The Muppets Valentine Show
Twue Wuv between Mia and Thog.
From the strange to the risque, The Muppets Valentine Show then once again proves that the Muppets were not pure as the driven snow before the new The Muppets when Mildred sighs over the fact that Mia has children and is now pregnant again, saying that some girls have all the luck (this would have been when Mia was married to Andre Previn, years before her infamous relationship with Woody Allen began; with that looming disaster in mind, however, it does add an ironic vibe to Mildred’s pronouncement, not to mention the shiver that anyone who has seen Rosemary’s Baby might get at the idea of Mia Farrow being pregnant, and on The Muppet Show of all things!), and Mia responds, “Takes a little bit more than luck, Mildred”. “Oh, yes,” Mildred replies, her voice heavy with meaning, “I know.”
This leads into Mia opening up a “Vallentune” card from Thog, at which point the action cuts to a fantasy sequence that seems to be set inside the card itself, in which Mia gives Thog a tender, chaste kiss and he responds with “Real Live Girl,” a song from the musical, Little Me, by Cy Coleman and Carolyn Leigh, in which a man sings about his first kiss. But in his case, he’s a big, blue monster with wiggly ears and a sweet speech impediment. Mia responds with verses about being kissed by a “real live Thog”. Thog is wearing a huge sweater with a heart on it, Mia is in a white, puffy dress, and it’s all really quite adorable. It’s also nice to see another one of the very rare times in the Muppet canon that Thog will get spotlighted like this.
Mia’s next sketch is also lovely, although most of the credit really has to go to Rufus, who takes on all of the comedy himself. Mia asks Rufus’ advice about what dog she might get herself, and as she brings up different ideas, he acts out each one, basically trying to convince her that he is the dog for her. Each time, however, he amusingly misinterprets her description, and so for example, when she considers a watchdog, he begins to patrol like a palace guard, and when she says that maybe she’d like a showdog, he gets out an old-fashioned cane and starts to tap dance. When she clarifies that she didn’t mean a show business dog, but rather an aristocratic one, he suddenly dons a top hat and monocle. Finally, she brings up the idea of a greyhound, and suddenly Rufus has a bus driver hat on and is wielding a steering wheel! Visual Muppet puns are the best puns.
Rufus helps Mia choose a dog.
This leads into Mia singing a rather weak-voiced version of “Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms,” another very old folk song whose current lyrics were penned in 1808 by Irish poet Thomas Moore (not to be confused with Sir Thomas More) but which was in existence far earlier than that. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a sweet moment. The lights dim, and Rufus cuddles up to her, and it’s lovely. I mean, she’s also singing a fairly ancient love song to a dog, which is kind of strange. Which might not be fair to say. These are the Muppets, after all. Cross-species love is in their DNA. But I think it’s the fact that Rufus is performed as a “real-ish” dog with embellishments, as Sprocket on Fraggle Rock would later be, versus the more human Rowlf, along with the song choice itself, that makes it feel off. You have to give credit for just how estoeric it is, but Mia Farrow desperately trying to warble her way through it does neither her nor the song any favors. It would later get much better treatment as part of a medley of old-timey songs sung by most of the main Muppet Show cast members in the Bob Hope episode of Season 2.
Then we get another disconnected sketch but a classic which, as I mentioned earlier, was later more famously recreated for The Muppet Show itself, in which Kermit appears in his reporter persona, reporting to us live from the alien planet, Koozebane, showing how these bizarre creatures reproduce (suggestively/innocently called the “Galley-O-Hoop-Hoop”), which is basically that the male Koozebanian makes a number of strange noises and does some silly stunts, the female laughs in his face, and then the two run at each other as fast as they can, exploding in a burst and in the process creating a bunch of new baby Koozebanians! “That’s what you call a population explosion!” Wally later jokes. Mia responds, “They don’t fool around, do they?” and without missing a beat, Wally replies to that, “Sure they do. That’s the whole problem!”
Besides the wonderful sketch itself, it’s also kind of amazing to realize just how clearly Jim Henson was announcing this is not Sesame Street to the viewers, because he was basically coopting one of Kermit’s standard Sesame Street roles here but giving it a bit of a naughtier edge rather than the fairy tales that we’re used to from the character, while still keeping it completely innocent on the surface. A child would never pick up on what was meant to be going on and would enjoy the explosion and the silliness without ever being aware of why the adults were laughing, making it true family entertainment.
And the final few moments of the show are devoted to an…interesting moment in which the grumpy George the Janitor claims to not love anyone until Mia has an epiphany. George does love someone: his mop! Look at the always-ahead-of-their-time Muppets, tackling objectophilia years before we got news stories of people marrying their iPhones and the like! And if you’re wondering whether George simply loves the mop the way the average person says they love an inanimate object, Mia confirms that they “make a lovely couple,” which becomes the lead-in to the grand finale, another big old production number centered on love and romance called “We’ve Got Love,” from the 1970 musical, Purlie, by Gary Geld and Peter Udell. And so again, while the Muppets maintain a mostly innocent surface, there’s a sly subversive streak throughout.
The Koozebanians prepare to do the Galley-O-Hoop-Hoop.
And, of course, everyone returns for the big finish: the froggy Greek chorus, Thog, Miss Mousey, Droop in his leather jacket, and more! During the end credits, some Muppets arrive who hadn’t even been spotted previously, including Rowlf, Bert, and Ernie! And in an amusing little snafu, Mia accidentally calls Ernie Bert, before correcting herself. And then, in a nice meta nod, Ernie says, “Bert, what are you doing here?” Of course, he could have asked himself the same question. The basic set-up for the scene is that Mia is kissing each Muppet one by one before she leaves, and in a sweet, subtle nod to Disney’s Snow White, Brewster keeps doubling back and returning in line to get another kiss, just as Dopey did when the fair princess was sending each of them off to work.
And so, taken as a whole, not necessarily the most auspicious start for The Muppet Show, and yet so many of the elements that would later produce genuine magic are already present: the chaotic environment stuffed with wacky characters, the silliness, the warmth. Interestingly, the second Muppet show pilot, cheekily subtitled Sex and Violence would in some ways veer even further away from what The Muppet Show would eventually be while at the same time introducing even more characters and situations that would become staples, but we have another season of Sesame Street and a number of other TV appearances to go before we get to that!
Speaking of which, come back later this week for a peek at some of Dave Goelz’s (best known for Gonzo) non-Muppet work and the very first appearance of (a very different) Miss Piggy to the Muppet universe!