The Muppet Show 1.16: ‘Avery Schreiber’

Schreiber and Sweetums

Schreiber and Sweetums








Burns & Schreiber

Dr. Teeth – Tenderly – their rough, hard version of soft sweet song

Piggy comes to Scooter, kisses up to him – mentions she gave love to Kermit but his ‘reluctance in returning same’ – Scooter thinks she wants him to get her love back from Kermit – where does he keep it? ‘Amusing little twit, isn’t he?’ then screams. make him jealous, tell him avery schreiber is simply mad about me. oh, you want me to lie. threatens to karate chop him to oblivion unless he does

Kermit reporter – mighty gladiator Sir Avery of Macho will challenge the Monster of the Moors

thinks Kermit is the monster – demands to see him…it’s Sweetums! No, I’m Little Bo Peep, what’s it to ya?

Sweetums punches him. he vibrates in his armour.

Swords or clubs? Avery chooses insults.

‘He’s a lot bigger than my agent told me.’

Known for razor-sharp wit.

Your mother wears open-toed combat boots.

Sweetums: The last time I saw a head like yours was in a lettuce patch.

They seem physically hurt by insults.

Monster, I’ve been talking to your best friends…You don’t have any.

Nobody likes you.

Sweetums is physically hurt. Falls down. Avery won.

When you and Burns had a comedy team, you were my second favourite of all time (stubmles)

Second? who wsa your first? Starsky and Hutch! he falls over.

Dr. Bunsen – new Gorilla Detector. How many times have you awakened at night in the dark and said to yourself, is there a gorilla in here? And how many people do you know whose vacations were ruined because they were eaten by undetected gorillas?

Gorilla enters, tears everything up but it doesn’t go off. Bunesn assures us it isn’t a gorilla. If it was one, the alarm would have gone off! ‘I know scientifically that I am not being eaten by a gorilla!’ It goes off. Gorilla eats the alarm as well!

Kermit calls for Scooter. Tells him to get Avery to standby for next number. Scooter says he’d do ANYTHING for Kermit. just go get avery. that he can’t do. he and miss piggy are in his dressing room and he doesn’t want to be disturbed. ‘he wouldn’t touch her with a 10-foot pole.’ ‘you’re right. he was touching her with his hands!’ whispering sweet nothings into her ear. kermit freaks out.

silent filmish sketch. Fozzie is frozen painting, it seems, but when avery puts food on table, fozzie wants. whenever avery looks way, fozzie moves. steals the apple. suddenly apple gone off table but in painting! drops apple, rolls out. avery goes to get, fozzie takes sandwich. avery walks around. now he’s in painting too. fights him. rowlf comes by with sandwich and apple. they grab them, freeze.

At the Dance

Rowlf bit part in a movie last week – bit someone

other pig with Richard Hunt’s piggy voice

Rowlf song with Rufus, Baskerville, Catgut – may you always walk in sunshine – they’re singing to Lassie photo ha

Talk Spot

he’s oddly rubbing kermit’s back

piggy comes in and wants to gaze on your face, etc. her love etc. kermit thinks he’s talking about him; she claims to be talking about avery

that mustache gah

call me by my real name Pigathius. river of passion.

avery yiddish meaning hold the mayo

kermit has had it

I know what’s been going on behind my back but Miss Piggy is my girl. You’r ejust a guest on this show. You’re just passing through town. She loves me, and she’s gonna have dinner with me tonight after the show. Miss Piggy you and me alone.

Piggy and Avery celebrate. Asks him for a kiss. says he can’t. his family  never touches pig. She karate chops him.

Sam the Eagle introduces Wayne and Wanda…Some enchanted evening…a monster eats wayne. he said meet, not eat!

Veterinarian’s Hospital – bob can’t perform operation. he’s chicken. no, THAT is a chicken! this should be up your alley. i’m a birddog. every year i fly souht fort he winter.

do a chicken appendectormy, tonsillectomy or chicken curry fricasse.

turkey chicken i’m a chicken, the sketch is a turkey!

many of dr bob’s patients are chicken…cuz he’s for the birds!

piggy apologises if avery made him jealous…no, he says he’s not. scooter told kermit it was all a trick. she attacks scooter.

Fozzie Bear comedy – they antagonise him. then avery comes out and defends him against hecklers. his partner heckled him! refused to do banana in ear sketch. fozzie gets banana, puts it in the ear. no laughs. he was right, it does look kind of dumb. avery puts banana in his ear. everyone laughs. fozzie doesn’t get it. his pace, his timing, his delivery, his ear! avery says ya see jack i told you it would work

muppet news flash – no news tonight

avery plays guitar. bunch of whatnot muppet monster creatures sing with him. lots o different noises.

i can handle miss piggy. she’s putty in my hands. piggy punches him. love to see a  man ‘in control’ kermit